The Berber of Seville

(Talossan Version)

Libretto: Baron Tepistà, Count of Thord; Sir Cresti Siervicül, UrN

Composition: Quedeir Baron Castiglha, Cin; Nikü Spyropoulos

Performers

Male principals, Female principals

• Seltsamêt, tenor
• Nutz, bass
• Cascoûrös, baritone
• Xhôrdi, falsetto (buffo caricato)

Female principals

• Chilsâ, soprano
• Trambêtâ, mezzo-soprano

Chorus

Songs

1. "The game will be exciting" - Chorus
2. "My friend Cascoûrös" - Duet (Seltsamêt and Cascoûrös)
3. "Who are you?" - Solo (Nutz)
4. "We are Berbers" - Solo (Seltsamêt)
5. "I wonder how I am doing" - Solo (Xhôrdi)
6. "Should we sing now?" - Duet (Chilsâ and Trambêtâ)
7. "There is Chilsâ" - Trio (Seltsamêt, Nutz, and Chilsâ)
8. "Castile won the game" - Lament (Seltsamêt and Chorus)
9. "How sweetly he sings!" - Duet (Chilsâ and Seltsamêt)

ACT I. A Berber football field in Seville, Spain.

(Chorus is milling around speaking to each other.)

SONG 1 - CHORUS

Chorus: The game will be exciting 1
We are all here to watch 2
(repeat those lines eight times)
Berber football is exciting 3
We want it to begin 4
(repeat those lines eight times)
(Half the chorus sings one verse while the other sings the second. Repeat eight times. Then they join.)
We have no doubt which team will win 5
Only one team rules our hearts 6
(repeat those lines eight times)
(Enter Seltsamêt with Cascoûrös, arm in arm. Half the chorus shouts "Seville!" in response and claps him on the back, but the other half shout "Castile!" and the chorus begins throwing punches. As the chorus fights its way off the stage, Seltsamêt and Cascoûrös begin singing)

SONG 2 - DUET (Seltsamêt and Cascoûrös)

Seltsamêt: My friend Cascoûrös, why are football fans hooligans? 1
Cascoûrös: My friend Seltsamêt, why are hooligans football fans? 2
Both: I don't know, I don't know, don't ask me again. 3
Seltsamêt: My friend the keeper, are you ready for the game? 4
Cascoûrös: My friend, the quebec, are you ready for the game? 5
Both: I sure am, I sure am, don't ask me again. 6
Seltsamêt: My friend, shall we repeat what we just said? 7
Cascoûrös: Yes we shall, my friend, in true operatic fashion. 8
(Repeat four times. On the fourth time, the last two lines change.)
Seltsamêt: Do you think they have the point yet? 9
Cascoûrös: Let us make double sure! 10
(Seltsamêt steps away, faces audience.)
Seltsamêt: My name is Seltsamêt 11
and I am the quebec of the Seville Dreamers, 12
which is a Berber Football team 13
here in Seville, which is in Spain. 14
Cascoûrös: And I am Cascoûrös, his friend. 15
I am the keeper on his team. 16
We are both ready for the game. 17
Seltsamêt: Oh, and I forgot to mention 18
that I am in love 19
with the girl in the halftime show. 20
(Cascoûrös joins Seltsamêt)
Cascoûrös: But you will find that all out later. 21
Don't worry. 22
We will repeat it a great many times. 23
(The chorus fights its way back onto the stage and then back off the other side, yelling "Seville!" and "Castile" back and forth. Enter Nutz during the exit of the chorus. The Castile fans clap him on the back. Seville fans boo him.)

SONG 3 - SOLO (Nutz)

(Nutz sees Seltsamêt and Cascoûrös)
Nutz: Who are you? Who are you? I ask you who you are. 1
My question to you, which I ask at this time, is who are you? 2
I do not know who you are, so I ask you who you are. 3
The thing I wish to know, 4
when looking at you, 5
whom I do not know, 6
is who are you? 7
(Repeat four times, pointing at them often, and shrugging his shoulders to the audience)

SONG 4 - SOLO (Seltsamêt)

Seltsamêt: We are Berbers 1
Apparently while you were offstage you were not paying attention. 2
We said many times who we are. 3
Also, you seem not to have bothered reading anyone else's songs. 4
But just so you know, we are the quebec and the keeper of the Seville Dreamers 5
Which your team, the Castile Poets, is playing today. 6
The game is Berber football. Perhaps you've heard of it? 7
At halftime, there is opera, and I'm in love with the soprano. 8
(Repeat those two lines eight times; the chorus, fighting back and forth, join in singing these lines, changing "I'm in love" to "He's in love" and pointing at Seltsamêt when they sing it)
So now that you know who we are, you should probably sing something about you. 9
But since this is one of my longer songs, I will sing it for you. 10
(Repeat those two lines four times)
You are Nutz. You are Nutz. You are Nutz. 11
The most feared quebec in the land. 12
You're mean and nasty and we want the audience to hate you. 13
So it will help us all if you do not sing well. 14
You are Nutz. You are Nutz. You are Nutz. 15
(Repeat those five lines eight times)
(As the song ends, Nutz steps forward and shouts in a deep bass)
Nutz: Yes, I am Nutz. 16
And I am in love with the soprano too! 17

CURTAIN.

ACT II. The same field.

(The field is a mess. The halftime show is over. Chilsâ and Trambêtâ sit center stage. The chorus is applauding and calling for encores, but the applause fades, and Xhôrdi enters, with the white fedora and white longcoat of a Berber football referee, wearing dark glasses and carrying a white cane. When performed as Grand Opera, he is also led by a harnessed guide dog for the blind. He stumbles and bumps into a great many things as he sings.)

SONG 5 - SOLO (Xhôrdi)

Xhôrdi: I wonder how I'm doing 1
I wonder who's ahead 2
I wonder if, at the end of the game 3
I'll be alive or dead 4
I wonder if the game is tough 5
To see from in the stands 6
It's hard enough to see down here 7
Using only the cane in my hands 8
I wonder if I stumble 'round 9
And hit things with my cane 10
If the soprano will think I'm sexy 11
And sweetly tell me about the game 12
I wonder if she likes a man 13
Who cannot see her there 14
(For I'm supposed to make you think 15
I'm blind, in case you care) 16
I think Castile is winning 17
Seville fans sure boo loud 18
But a loss will be their keeper's fault 19
If I know this drunk crowd 20
I wonder if you think I'm blind 21
If so, I've met my goal 22
Because next opera, damn it all 23
I want a bigger role 24
(Xhôrdi exits, leaving Chilsâ and Trambêtâ at center stage.)

SONG 6 - DUET (Chilsâ and Trambêtâ)

Chilsâ: Should we sing now? 1
Trambêtâ (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe 2
Chilsâ: Do you think 3
this was the first opera ever 4
with no females in the entire first act? 5
Trambêtâ (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe 6
Chilsâ: Do you think 7
we should appeal 8
to the Minister of Women's Affairs? 9
Trambêtâ (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe 10
Chilsâ: But now we are on stage, 11
and the men are not. 12
Do you think this is good? 13
Trambêtâ (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe 14
Chilsâ: Do you think 15
we should introduce ourselves to the audience, 16
like the men did? 17
Trambêtâ (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe 18
Chilsâ: Or should we 19
give them more credit, 20
and expect them to be able to read their programs? 21
Trambêtâ (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe 22
Chilsâ: Will they know 23
which of the two of us is the soprano 24
that the rivals are both in love with? 25
Trambêtâ (echoing): Maybe maybe maybe maybe 26
Chilsâ: To make sure, 27
should one of us sing in a very low voice, 28
which cannot possibly be soprano? 29
Trambêtâ (in an extremely low voice): Maybe maybe maybe maybe! 30
(Enter Cascoûrös and Seltsamêt on the left, Nutz on the right)

SONG 7 - TRIO (Seltsamêt, Nutz, and Chilsâ)

(During this song, Cascoûrös and Trambêtâ slowly get together and begin to play cards.)
Seltsamêt (pointing): There is Chilsâ, my love, who sang at halftime 1
Nutz (pointing): My heart has been captured by that lovely maiden 2
Chilsâ: I sit here with my friend, and the men can each see me, yet I do not see them. 3
Seltsamêt: She sits there, completely unaware that I am so near 4
Nutz: I am close to her, yet she does not see me 5
Chilsâ: They are on either side of the stage, and I in the middle, yet I do not see them 6
Seltsamêt: If only she would turn her head, I think she would notice me. 7
Nutz: I wonder if throwing something at her would work. 8
Chilsâ: Turning my head won't help, and please don't throw anything at me. 9
Seltsamêt: You would think she could see me. She must be blind. 10
Nutz: Did you catch the foreshadowing with that referee song? 11
Chilsâ: Also, I am to make you believe that I cannot hear them either. 12
Seltsamêt: She is blind to our love. It is a theater trick. An analogy, if you will. 13
Nutz: She is sitting on the same stage, yet she has no idea we are here. 14
Chilsâ: And you, Nutz, are not supposed to know Seltsamêt is over there either. 15
Seltsamêt: And also, you are singing far too well. The audience might like you. 16
Nutz: I am sorry. I will sing worse from now on. 17
Chilsâ: It will not matter to us, though, for remember, we cannot hear you. 18
Seltsamêt: And we cannot see you either. Even though somehow you and I can both see Chilsâ. 19
Nutz: Okay, I think this song is long enough now. 20
Chilsâ: Yes, I think we repeated our positions fairly completely. 21
Seltsamêt: Oh, how I love her! 22
Nutz: Oh, how I love her! 23
Chilsâ: Oh, how I wish I could hear them! 24

CURTAIN.

ACT III. A bench on the same field.

(Seltsamêt sits alone, hanging his head. The chorus moves around arguing.)

SONG 8 - LAMENT (Seltsamêt and Chorus)

Seltsamêt: Castile won the game. 1
Nutz might not be able to sing, but he can play football. 2
But really, it was Cascoûrös's fault. 3
Chorus: Yes, Cascoûrös lost it for us. 4
He won't be in this act. 5
He is off getting drunk. 6
Seltsamêt: Then after the game, 7
Chilsâ professed her love to Nutz. 8
It turns out she is shallow. 9
Chorus: Or maybe it was Seltsamêt. 10
He played while sick with love. 11
No, never mind. It was Cascoûrös. 12
Seltsamêt: So I will leave this place. 13
I will cross the wide ocean. 14
No more will I be the Berber of Seville. 15
Chorus: The referee screwed us too; he must be blind. 16
But in the end, it was Cascoûrös. 17
Let us find him and kill him. 18
Seltsamêt: I will follow the path of my ancestors. 19
Ahmed and Marico, the sons of Asbad 20
Who dared to seek their fortune 21
Chorus: Yesterday Cascoûrös was our hero. 22
Today, we must hunt him down and kill him. 23
Who will volunteer to become our new keeper? 24
Seltsamêt: I will seek the Berber Shangri-La. 25
Where I will fall in love 26
With a mermaid from the Talossan Sea 27
Instead of that tramp Chilsâ. 28
(The chorus links arms and dances a high-kick)
Chorus: Oh, we're the boys in the chorus. 29
We hope you liked our show. 30
We know you're rooting for us. 31
But now we have to go. 32
(The chorus exits in a murderous rage)
Seltsamêt: I will discover my own mythical origins. 33
These Spaniards think I'm crazy 34
To think the world is round 35
But what do they know? 36
They have shallow tramps for womenfolk. 37

SONG 9 - DUET (Chilsâ and Seltsamêt)

(Enter Chilsâ, unseen)
Chilsâ: How sweetly he sings! What sweet words! 1
Seltsamêt: Am I supposed to see you over there? 2
Chilsâ: No, not yet. 3
Seltsamêt: Fine. So I just keep singing? 4
Chilsâ: Yes. Such sweet sounds. 5
Seltsamêt: Where was I? 6
Chilsâ: You were calling me a shallow tramp 7
Seltsamêt (turning to audience): I have sworn off love forever. 8
Chilsâ: His voice captivates me 9
Seltsamêt: Until I meet a nice mermaid, of course. 10
Chilsâ: His hopes and dreams are pouring forth onto my bosom. 11
Seltsamêt: So now I leave Seville, home of the cruelest woman on earth 12
Chilsâ: His heart is full of love. 13
Seltsamêt: And I hope I never see her again. 14
Chilsâ: I love this man. I am so over Nutz. 15
Seltsamêt: I burnt her house down after the game. 16
Chilsâ: He says the nicest things. 17
Seltsamêt: I hope she rots in hell. 18
Chilsâ: My love, Seltsamêt, my love!! 19
Seltsamêt: I see my boat arriving. Now I leave Seville. 20
Chilsâ: Remember, when you stand up, that is when you see me. 21
Seltsamêt: I remember, woman, I remember. 22
(rises, sees Chilsâ)
Chilsâ: Oh! Seltsamêt! I love you! 23
Seltsamêt: If you say so. 24
I am going to the Berber Shangri-La, 25
want to come with me? 26
Chilsâ: I'm supposed to say no, 27
but then follow you off stage 28
so the audience can wonder. 29
Seltsamêt: Whatever. 30
(Exit Seltsamêt, followed shortly by Chilsâ.)

CURTAIN.